History: how   were made

its back in pre revolutionary France, where the Lavernes got driven out, and so flew to the haven of Europe’s biggest town, Sunderland, North East England. At least it was Europes biggest town until 'the Queen got her do nothing hands on it, and turned it into a city." There, quite a few years later in 1978, a baby girl was born to this family, now known as Gofton to stop the peasants from chasing them, under the sign of Taurus. Her dad was in a band called Gas Board, who turned into Roxy Music, but had given up his blinding pop career for some good old hard graft at normality, or something, and be a good Catholic. He didn’t, however, stop his older, but definitely not wiser, son from intimidating his daughter when she was 4 by singing demonic versions of ‘Turning Japanese’, allegedly a song about masturbation and corrupting her good hardcore Catholic ways.

In another bit of Sunderland, *a* (WHAT do you mean "a"? You mean "THE") Marie was born, one daughter in a line of daughters supposedly all named after Thin Lizzy songs. And Reverend Michael and Janet Jackson had a daughter called Emma, not realising that their names, strangely co incidental with the names of a certain and very fucked up black American showbiz family, might inspire their daughter into picking up a bass in later life, even though she claims the Manics were more of an inspiration. Pah.

Lauren *aka "the Gofton girl" and Marie spent their early lives in Sunderland playgrounds, and Marie used to steal Lauren’s crisps and dolls. Obviously something that inspired Girl’s Best Friend, which seems to be about Lauren by Marie. Shes couldn’t be that much of an ice queen if she lets you steal her crisps, godammit. Sorry, just going up my own arse there again...

They enter Sunderlands Convent Of Mercy. Lauren despairs. No one reads the NME or knows who the bloody Stone Roses are, for god sake. Except for Marie. So she realises Marie is really pretty great and alright and stuff. A Charlatans concert later, and the pair team up with Emma Jackson. Which is good. Lauren is also in various bands etc, as is her brother.

And he likes punk rock. So much so that hes in these bands, and plays drums, associated percussion, the guitar and the goat. Lauren, Marie and Emma are sitting around one day and decide to form a band, so they can keep in touch once they’ve passed through the iron gates of ’Mercy and gotten the fuck out of the clutches of the nuns and walrus dinner ladies. They will call themselves Kenickie, after the Hawaiian word for Christmas and also the character in Grease. A legend is born.

Lauren is watching Pete play drums for this band. They’re playing a cover of ‘Speeding Motorcycle’ by Daniel Johnston [who?] but the singer didn’t know the words. And Lauren is pished. So she gets up and does her first stint as true self, Lauren Laverne. The head of ultra indie label Slampt! comes up to her and says shes great. And she lies and says shes got a gig. In other words, Kenickie were truly formed "because we were drunk".

They release Catsuit City, which is "8 slabs of fizzy punk" according to the NME, and do a gig with 3 Colours Shite, who are as nasty to them as a group of miserable old pretend ‘rockers’ would be. They play at the Ramones LAST gig. Alan McGee wants to sign them for a pitiful sum, but he must have thought 3 Colours [of] Shite were fantastic, so what do you expect?

They release a single called ‘Skillex’ on Fierce Panda, twice, as it was so good *once on vinyl, once on cd*, and Bob Stanley is given a copy of it by the scary thing from Denim. He falls in love, and so decides to sign Kenickie, because they were very very good. Basically. And Denim aren’t so good. Basically.

Lots of people in Sunderland decide that they’ve ‘sold out’, and heckle at Kenickie gigs. Do they care? Like fuck they do. Instead they write ‘Punka’, which drips of sarcasm and lines like ‘lo fi songs are great!’ when it sounds about as lo fi as the Manics in 1991 did. So there.

Kenickies first EMI single, the previous, ALMOST gets into the top 40, and the next single, Millionaire Sweeper, reveals that there is a conspiracy to keep only scum like the Verve and Radiohead as the face of guitar music, and Boyzone etc as the face of pop music. Get a combination and the media starts crapping themselves, especially if they’re amazingly good...

Kenickie do the best quotes in the world, and Lauren feels safe enough, covered by lots of fake fur coats, glitter, and probably a body guard, to start using her real name again, along with the revealing of Marie Du Santiago, who had to flee her Mexican home as her hair was too big, and Emmy Kate Montrose. They tempt the world by saying things like ‘We lead charmed lives’ and ‘You’ve been such a good audience, we want to marry you. We’ll bring the cake and you can get the rings, is that alright?’

‘In Your Car’ goes to no 24 ***yes!!!!!!!*** Les Nix are the first band on TOTP in 1997. They have lots of glitter on their eyelids, and Emmy Kate has on some nice PVC trousers. This causes my brother to ask months later if, when Placebo are undergoing their own TOTP debut with ‘Nancy Boy’, if it is Kenickie. hmmm....

They move to London, because travelling between Sunderland and London 3 times a week is costing EMI more than paying for a trendy Camden house with security gates, a nice big garage and lots of pine furniture, which they will be forced to cover with blue lame, since it is a bit horrible. They also have a dresser full of pink things. However, they get tired of feeling like they're in the Monkees, Lauren moves back to Sunderland, Emmy Kate moves in with her boyfriend *I think* and Marie moves in somewhere else. Lauren has a flat in London still though, decorated with Arab Strap posters and Fairy lights.

They are on TOTP again with Nightlife in April. Crispin Hunt from Longpigs gave it a terrible review in VOX. I threw it across the room...

At The Club is released on May 12th... it goes to no 9. Result.

Punka, re released, goes to no 38. Oops. Kenickie are not happy about the re-release anyway, and things seemingly begin to go a little bit wrong. Rumours fly around after T In The Park 1997 that the band are breaking up/not talking to each other etc. Things remain quiet for months, besides the odd appearances on Never Mind the Buzzcocks (tv pop quiz) and things like that...

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